December 6: I don't wanna. You can't make me!

 

List 10 things you would never do.

Yes! I mean, no, you would never do!

Courtesy of Katrina of katrinatripled.blogspot.com

I'm not a very adventurous person. I'm very anxious and more than a little clumsy, so I tend to like to stay in a comfort bubble, so coming up with a list of 10 things I wouldn't do should be easy, right? WRONG! I've been contemplating this list for a few days now and have been struggling to come up with 10 things that you could never ever in a million years, EVER, talk me into trying out. As I type, I still don't know of more than three or four things, so I'm hoping that typing it out will help me come up with a few more. Deep breath....here goes...

1.) Skydive, bungee jump, hand-glide, cliff dive, mountain climb....pretty much anything that involves me being high up. When you get results like this lovely bruise, just from wearing a pair of too-high heels and trying to walk, you tend to like to keep your feet (and the rest of your person) as close to the ground as possible. 

2.) Do drugs. Yes, I smoked a pot a couple of times when I was younger. I will own up to that. But I have never, and will never, tried any other illegal narcotics. Nor will I ever smoke pot again. People tend to make poor decisions and do stupid things when under the influence. I already do enough stupid things and make enough poor decisions, I don't need any help. 

3.) Quit a job without having another job lined up. I have done this before. It was the biggest mistake ever. My job may not be my dream gig. There may be 4 or 5 days of the week that I would rather pull my covers back up over my head than get up and go into work. But it's a job. And it pretty much pays the bills most of the time. 

4.) Stop doing things I love just because there aren't enough hours in the day or enough dollars in the bank account. I quit painting for years, and I regret it. I always make sure to have lots of paint and brushes and a few canvases in my makeshift art studio now so that I can take to the canvas on a whim (or should my emotional being need a little venting.)

5.) Let my basement (or any room of my house) get like this again. I bought a house far too young, and spent 10 years feeling overwhelmed, buried, helpless and hopeless. I was so worried about hurting feelings that I kept EVERYTHING that was ever given to me. I finally let go of that in the last few months. I've cleaned out almost every room in the house and made it MY space. I am the only one that lives there after all! There is no one I should be trying to please except myself. 

6.) Settle for less than what I want when it comes to my love life. I have always wanted to be in love, so much so that I would settle for any yahoo that would come along and show me the least bit of attention or affection. I have ignored what my gut was telling me so many times just because I thought maybe he would be the one. They never were. When it was actually right, I never had that sinking feeling in my gut.

7.) Give up Diet Coke. I've tried. I can't. And I don't wanna.

8.) Give up my dream of owning a bar/restaurant. I doubt it will ever happen, but I think about it everyday.

9.) Stop doing stupid things to make people laugh. I'm more than willing to make an ass of myself, dress up like a fool, pose for the camera, or any other thing to get a laugh or two. Even if it is at the expense of my dignity.

10.) Go back on anti-depressants. I understand their purpose. I even understand why people need them. Some days, I'm about 99% sure that I need them, but I can't do it. They suck the life out of me. I lost my personality when I took them, and that made me even more depressed.